Oh Canada

 

Think back to the last winter Olympics…a time when Canada experienced a swell of patriotism. Wasn’t it great?  I love Canada. It is not perfect, but the more I travel and read, I appreciate this beautiful country.

My brother and sister-in-law live in the United States. Our nieces and nephew have dual citizenship…but I thought of them as more Canadian until the Olympics came along. You can imagine my surprise when brother-in-law informed us their children wanted the U.S. to defeat Canada  and win gold in men’s hockey. 

“Must be a bad connection J.  It sounds like you just said the kids are cheering for the U.S.  (hahaha)  What’s that?  Oh, you’re not joking. I see.”

<crickets> 

So I sent them a ridiculous email.  I came across the draft recently and thought I would post a modified version since it is Canada Day in a few days.

Dear J & T,

Out of concern for the welfare of our beloved nieces and nephew I propose that during your next annual visit to Ottawa, we enrol the kiddies in an intensive crash Canadian Ed. program.

 Some course options could include…

• Ode to the Maple – Tree tapping, boiling, trudging through Sugar Maple forests and 24 hours intravenous hydration of pure 100% Maple syrup.
• Gastro Delights - How to spot the best roadside blueberry pie or fresh corn stand 3 kms ahead.  If time allows, preparing the stomach for poutine, beavertails and maple taffy.
• Dialect – Learn the correct intonation and application of “eh” and please…it is Zed not Zee.
• National Sports – Discover the pride that comes from being called a luger. Understand that men sweep and in Canada, we usually cheer a women accused of  2 minutes for hooking.
• Composting/Recycling 101 – Grow beautiful gardens and lawns despite a municipal pesticide ban. If time permits, how to chase green bins and blue bins down windy/icy roads and resolve the 6:45am weekly curbside debate, paper or plastic?
• Tim Hortons - Toughen up skin sensitivity and hold a cup of coffee without a sleeve. Master the optimistic experience of rolling up the rim and learn what it means to want a “regular” every day.  Earn extra marks for greening it up – bring your own eco-friendly coffee cups.
• Currency - We value our loonies. Learn how to look rich by adding Canadian Tire money to your wallet.
•  Music Appreciation - Convincingly mouth the words to Oh Canada in English & French.  Study the chorus to The Good ‘ol Hockey Game and fill gaps with hand claps and whoops. Learn the real lyrics to I’se the B’y and Canadian Railroad Trilogy.  Crash course on how to air guitar to Tom Sawyer.
• National Symbols - Special focus on The Beaver and The Bieber. The industrious semi-aquatic rodent once prized for its pelt – the young teen pop sensation admired for his swooshy bangs.

We need to act quickly.  Canadian patriotism is difficult to retrieve once a person finds “aboot” and igloo/dog sled jokes amusing.  Please let us know if you are still coming so we can make arrangements.

Love,

Laura

 

Would you believe they didn’t visit us this spring?  Something to do with a sudden illness. Very strange.

Happy 143^th Canada!   Hope everyone has a safe, fun and relaxing Canada Day.